Oncologist

Tomorrow I have my six-month appointment with my oncologist.

I've been seeing him since December 2002.  I did chemotherapy from December 2002 until May 2003, then spent the summer having radiation for 42 days.  In September 2003, my radiation oncologist gave me the results of the latest PET scan...no evidence of disease (NED)!  Survivors call it dancing with NED.

Then I saw the oncologist every three months for years, then went to every four months, and now for the past couple of years, I've gone to see him every six months.  Before I see him, I have three or four vials of blood drawn so my blood chemistry can be examined and compared to past blood work.  They also check what they call the (tumor) "markers."

I hate going.  It's stressful as it makes me remember that I had stage 3 breast cancer.  The stress starts several days before the appointment.  Also, for four or five days after the appointment, I wait to see if his nurse will call, telling me they've seen something in the bloodwork.  That happened once.  She left a voice message that my calcium levels were up, and I needed to come in for more blood to be drawn.  Of course, I immediately did some research and one of the causes of high calcium levels in the blood is cancer.  But, I was hoping it was because I had taken a calcium supplement before I went to the lab.  So, the second time, I didn't take the supplement, and the lab report came back normal.  Whew!

Anyway, it's stressful for about a week every six months.
When I went to my appointment last July, the oncologist said that it had been 8 years since my diagnosis, so I could decide to change to a yearly appointment.  That's what I've been waiting to hear!!!  Only one week of stress a year!  YAY!
BUT...he said that since my cancer was so advanced, that if I felt more comfortable, I could keep coming in every six months so we could monitor the blood levels closer.   I want to stop going to the oncologist totally.  I don't ever want to see him again.   It's an eight year relationship that I would have preferred never having.

I decided to stay with the six month appointment so we can stay on top of everything.  Tonight, I regret that decision as I sit here dreading tomorrow.  I don't want to think about it (even though every time I look in the mirror, I am reminded of the cancer as my reflection shows me my thin, short hair that chemo permanently destroyed).  See the above picture.
My appointment is at 9:20, with a lab appointment before.  I'm always out within 25 minutes, so by 10:00 EST, I'll be breathing a sigh of relief that the appointment part is over.  I can relax for a day since they can't get the results of the CBC back that quickly.  Then I wait for three more days, hoping I don't get a phone call.

Right now, I'm wishing I had chosen the yearly appointment deal.