The Backyard - Again

I've spent the past few days getting estimates on fences.  If I can afford it, I'll go with the vinyl fence.  I just think it would be the best since it will last so much longer than a wood fence.  As I have looked closely at my fence the past week, I realize what a horrible shape it is in (and it is only 11-12 years old).  A vinyl fence will last almost forever.  The main purpose of a privacy fence is to keep my dogs in the yard, so a fence is a must.

I called a tree removal company (Kerry) this past week concerning a tree in my yard that I have not liked for a couple of years.  I planted it as a seedling without any thought.  I actually planted it too close to the back fence.  It is a fast growing tree with large roots.  So, I thought about removing it.  On Wednesday of this past week, I had Kerry come out to give me an estimate.  I spoke to him on Friday morning and told him to remove the tree, along with another one that was on the other side of my fence, but still on my property.  He told me he would put me on the schedule for Monday.  When I came home on Friday afternoon, the trees were already gone.  There was so much more sun in my backyard!

I spent today sawing branches off of my neighbor's magnolia tree.  The vines are so thick that once I sawed off the large branches, they didn't fall to the ground because the vines had the branches ensnared. It took me three hours to get all of the branches on my side of the fence sawed off.

Kerry came over to discuss removing the brush and vines behind my fence.  The vines are so thick that it is impossible to even see anything behind my fence.  They are growing overhead and underfoot.  So, I hired Kerry to clean out behind the fence.  When I put in my new fence, I'm going to move it in a foot so there is more room behind it to get behind there to clean it out.  I'm also going to have a gate installed on the back fence so I have access to clean behind there.  (I do fear the snakes that are back there, though.)

Here are some before and after pictures.

Empowerment

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:
"Empowerment refers to increasing the spiritual, political, social, or economic strength of individuals and communities. It often involves the empowered developing confidence in their own capacities."


As I move on with my life, I am gaining strength by making decisions and confidence that I am making the correct decisions.


One example is with pests in my home.  It was probably around 2008 that I noticed big, black ants coming from the baseboards in my bathroom.  So, my (then) husband went out and bought ant spray and sprayed the ants.  Ok, they were gone for awhile.  They came back the next year, so he sprayed again.  I thought he knew what he was doing.


Then he walked out in May, 2009.  In June 2009, I remember sitting up in bed, reading and having flying ants flying around my head in the evening.  I knew they were the same ants that we had problems with before, but I wasn't strong enough to deal with anything other than just trying to get up, get dressed, and get through the day.
Then I never saw them again until last summer. 


I noticed big, black ants (which I knew were carpenter ants) on the outside wall by the memory garden I was constructing for my late sister-in-law.  


In August, I got my "Teal Deal" coupon book because I'm a season ticket holder for the Jacksonville Jaguars.  In it was a $100 coupon for Brandon Pest Patrol.  My friend told me that he uses them for their once-a-year pest patrol.  That's where they spray something in the electrical outlets and light switches in your home.  I kept that in the back of my mind, thinking I would give them a call and see how much it would cost.  OK, I looked through the coupon book again and noticed they all expired 2-10-11.  So, I had them come out today.  I mentioned I saw carpenter ants.  Well, they found a nest of them in my attic.  ACCCKKKK!!!  They is a huge nest of big, black ants right now, above my head, crawling around.  I hate it!!
I didn't tell them that they've probably been there for at least 3 years.  But, I feel like I am empowered by taking care of this problem that no one else took care of in the past 3-4 years, or however long they have been there.  The "man" of the house didn't really do anything about this problem, but I did!!!  (Of course it is costing a lot more than a can of ant spray that "the man" bought.)  They can't come out until Friday to treat my house, so I have this icky feeling about a nest of big, black ants above my head tonight and tomorrow night.


Also, I am gathering estimates from fence companies.  "The man" contacted the last company to have the last fence installed, which really was a horrible company.  This was his rationale for choosing a company:  they were the first one listed in the phone book:  Affordable Fence Company.
They were so horrible that my dog was able to escape the yard by crawling under the gaps that the fence left between the bottom of the fence and the ground.  So much for having a fence installed to keep our dog in the back yard.


This time, I feel I will choose a company that will install the best fence better.  I also will be looking into a vinyl fence so maybe I won't have to get another fence in 9-10 years.  I hope I can afford the vinyl fence.  BUT, I feel empowered with the strength that I will do this job correctly.

The Backyard

I've lived in this house since May 1992.  When we moved in, the backyard was nice, but over the years, and with the addition of larger dogs, much of the grass is gone, replaced with bare dirt/sand.  I've planted a few trees and some sago palms, and since I am not a landscaper, there is no design at all as to where these plants were planted.  In plain language, the backyard looks absolutely horrible.

I would love to have a beautiful backyard.  I'm not sure why because I rarely go out there.  Maybe that's because it's so ugly, but I think it is partly because in the warmer weather, the mosquitos are quite bad.  Behind my house is a protected wetlands (man-made).  Also, I've encountered water moccasin snakes (which are poisonous, in case you didn't know) in the past two years.  I wonder if I should just leave it as is until the number of dogs decrease.  But, when it rains, the dogs track in mud.  When it doesn't rain, they track in dirt/sand.  I'm tired of that.

A few days ago, I had a friend give me some advice.  He said the first thing I needed to do was put up a new fence.  I also want to get rid of the tree that is next to the fence (see second picture).  I hate to spend the money, but I think I probably need to get the fence.  I would like to go with a white vinyl fence, since if I get another wood fence, I'll just have to replace it in 10 years.  (I think the current fence is 10 years old.)

So, over the next few weeks, I'll be gathering estimates for a privacy fence to see if I can afford it.  If I can, I'll need to get that tree cut down as I will probably move the back fence up towards the house a foot or two, so there is enough room behind to fence.  I will need to get behind the fence a couple times of year to clear out what is growing back there so it doesn't damage the fence, like it is now.

I would much rather spend my money on something fun like travel, but I know that I need to spend on upkeep.

I would also like to take care of the bare spots in the yard.  In the second picture, the bare area, that is about in the center of the picture, is much larger now.  I have put in pieces of sod, but they don't take (even though I watered it).  I am thinking of having a concrete patio poured in that area, with a built in fire pit (you can see my temporary fire pit, with the plastic chairs around it).  Also, maybe a concrete walkway that leads from the gate, around the screened in porch to the patio.  That's probably out of my price range, but if I can find someone to do that work, I'll see if I can afford it.  I am just worried since I want it to look nice and planned out, and that is not something I am good at.  I am hoping that my friends will help me plan this.

I guess this will give me something to do for the next 5-6 months, and will keep me and my mind occupied.  I just hope I can afford to do something to improve the backyard.  Right now, it just looks so bad that I am embarrassed to have anyone look back there.  I am also afraid that the dogs will tear it up if I do anything (which is why I was thinking concrete).

The Future

Talking to my oncologist this morning, he told me that when I come back next year (my usual January appointment), I should think of whether I want to change to coming in once a year instead of every six months.  (I'm sure he forgot that we discussed this in July.)  He said there was no rush to come to a decision as we had a year to think about it.

HA!!!

It hit me while I was walking down the four flights of stairs.  I am discussing the future and making plans for a year for now.  That is a huge accomplishment as there was a time when I couldn't think more than three weeks (the chemotherapy appointment) in advance.  Both of us were making plans for me 12 months from now.  I don't think that the oncologist knew how he lifted my mood just by telling me I had a year to make a decision.  Such a small thing he did that had a huge effect.
:-D

Oncologist

Tomorrow I have my six-month appointment with my oncologist.

I've been seeing him since December 2002.  I did chemotherapy from December 2002 until May 2003, then spent the summer having radiation for 42 days.  In September 2003, my radiation oncologist gave me the results of the latest PET scan...no evidence of disease (NED)!  Survivors call it dancing with NED.

Then I saw the oncologist every three months for years, then went to every four months, and now for the past couple of years, I've gone to see him every six months.  Before I see him, I have three or four vials of blood drawn so my blood chemistry can be examined and compared to past blood work.  They also check what they call the (tumor) "markers."

I hate going.  It's stressful as it makes me remember that I had stage 3 breast cancer.  The stress starts several days before the appointment.  Also, for four or five days after the appointment, I wait to see if his nurse will call, telling me they've seen something in the bloodwork.  That happened once.  She left a voice message that my calcium levels were up, and I needed to come in for more blood to be drawn.  Of course, I immediately did some research and one of the causes of high calcium levels in the blood is cancer.  But, I was hoping it was because I had taken a calcium supplement before I went to the lab.  So, the second time, I didn't take the supplement, and the lab report came back normal.  Whew!

Anyway, it's stressful for about a week every six months.
When I went to my appointment last July, the oncologist said that it had been 8 years since my diagnosis, so I could decide to change to a yearly appointment.  That's what I've been waiting to hear!!!  Only one week of stress a year!  YAY!
BUT...he said that since my cancer was so advanced, that if I felt more comfortable, I could keep coming in every six months so we could monitor the blood levels closer.   I want to stop going to the oncologist totally.  I don't ever want to see him again.   It's an eight year relationship that I would have preferred never having.

I decided to stay with the six month appointment so we can stay on top of everything.  Tonight, I regret that decision as I sit here dreading tomorrow.  I don't want to think about it (even though every time I look in the mirror, I am reminded of the cancer as my reflection shows me my thin, short hair that chemo permanently destroyed).  See the above picture.
My appointment is at 9:20, with a lab appointment before.  I'm always out within 25 minutes, so by 10:00 EST, I'll be breathing a sigh of relief that the appointment part is over.  I can relax for a day since they can't get the results of the CBC back that quickly.  Then I wait for three more days, hoping I don't get a phone call.

Right now, I'm wishing I had chosen the yearly appointment deal.

Reading and The Three- Day Weekend

I love to read!
Because I spend so much time doing schoolwork outside of the working day, I don't have time to read for pleasure from mid-August to mid-June.

Today, I spent most of the day reading a fiction book.  And, I didn't feel guilty for just laying around the house, reading.  I've decided that I am allowed to have some days where I am not all that productive other than to spend time doing what I want.
There is no school on Monday because it's Martin Luther King's birthday.  So, "wasting" Saturday by reading still allows me to have two days to get my chores done.
I plan to go to church in the morning (plan to, but it all depends on whether I can get more than three hours of sleep).
Then I am going to the theater to see The King's Speech with two girlfriends.  I don't mind going to see a movie by myself, but I invited two friends to see it since I have heard it is a wonderful movie.  Sometimes, it is easier and less hectic to go to the movie by yourself.  Then you can go and leave when you want, without consulting anyone else.  But, if you do by yourself, then there is no one to discuss the movie with.

The Calendar

I used to get a calendar for Christmas every year.  No need to tell you who gave it to me every year.

I like to hang a calendar in the kitchen to keep track of appointments and important events.  For example, what's written in the square on January 17 is "No school" and "Dr. Appt:  9:20."  (That's the 6 month oncologist appointment.)

So, I bought my own calendar this year.  I wanted to have  one that had nice pictures, since it is hanging on the pantry door in the kitchen.  Previously, I always got a calendar with pictures of puppies.  Now, I love puppies, but after two years, it seems a bit unimaginative to continue to buy a calendar with pictures of puppies.

I found a 50% off sale at Books A Million, so I decided to buy my own calendar for the first time.  After perusing all of the calendars, I decided on one with pictures of lighthouses.  A bonus was it came with "inspirational scriptures to help guide you through each month."

January's inspirational scripture is "O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me..."
Psalm 43:3

Very appropriate since my resolution for this year is to attend church services more often this year.  (I guess, since I've gone once this year, I have almost completed my resolution!)

So, I'm looking forward to reading the inspirational scriptures each month and see how they apply to my life at that particular time.

Typos

We met when we were both 16.  I used to tell this story to my students every year because I am a horrible typist, and every worksheet I hand out has at least one typo.  Here’s the story…

In the second semester of my junior year, I was signed up to take typing.  This is a class that has 30 manual (or maybe they were electric) typewriters, and supposedly by the end of the semester, a student could type a document by looking only at the document, and not at the keyboard.  By the end of the semester, a student would be able to type quickly without making mistakes.

My GPA was around 3.8 (out of 4.0), so I was afraid I might get a B in the typing course (since it was pretty much a skill).  What if I couldn’t make my fingers do what they were supposed to do?  Then my GPA would go down.  Because of that, I decided to drop typing and take another class.  My guidance counselor told me that the only course that had openings was journalism 1.  OK, put me in that class.

The first day of class, I found out that it was made up of journalism 1 (newspaper) and journalism 2 (yearbook) students.  The teacher divided us up and made the journalism 1 students sit on one side of the long classroom while the journalism 2 students sat on the opposite side.  There were only three journalism 1 students;  me, another girl ,and a boy.  By the next day, the girl dropped the class, so it was just me and the boy.  And,  I thought he was the cutest boy I had ever seen, even though I had a steady boyfriend.  I couldn’t help but look at him (out of the corner of my eye, since back then, girls were not obvious about a situation such as this).  But my heart was pounding so hard because he was just so good-looking.

The second day of class, the teacher came to us and gave us a brief introduction of what a lead paragraph was.  It contained the who, what, when, where, and sometimes why of the story.  So,  our in-class assignment was to interview each other and write a lead paragraph.  Then the teacher went to the other side of the room to work with the journalism 2 students.  Consequently, I got to know this cute boy pretty well, and as the semester went on, I found that I was more and more attracted to him.  Every day, my heart would just beat so hard and fast for the entire class.  I'm sure you can guess who this hunk was.  Yep, it was the man I would eventually marry.

If I had stayed in the typing class, my students would have a perfectly typed worksheet, but I would never have met my future husband.  Then I would tell them that, now, they might forgive the typos on their worksheets.

This story always made my female students swoon, and the male students thought it was pretty cool, too.

I thought he was my best friend.  We laughed all of the time together because I thought he was one of the funniest persons I had ever known, and he thought I was pretty hilarious too.  When we told our children that we were getting a divorce, they exclaimed, “But you two get along so well and were always laughing together."

Sure there were times when we got on each other’s nerves, but that happens in every relationship after 25 years, doesn’t it?  Since I have not been married to anyone for that long other than him, I am just assuming that people get on each other’s nerves once in awhile.  Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe they don’t.   But who discusses booking a cruise to celebrate their 25^th wedding anniversary and then seven weeks later moves out?  Who????  I guess that’s what bothers me the most.  I had no idea.  Five weeks after we booked the cruise, he says, "I don't love you anymore" and moved out two weeks later.  He just walked out with his books and clothes.  That's all...he didn't want anything else.   I told him he could take a bookcase, and he got mad when I refused to help him move it.  I told him, “I don’t want you to leave, so why would I help you move out?”  “Fine!  I'll do it!” he angrily exclaimed.  I helped move it out because I didn’t want him to scratch the floors of the house that would soon be only mine.  But, I bargained with him and told him I would help him move the bookcase if he would come over and mow the yard one more time. 

I miss the life I had.  I don’t want a life with any other person.  I don’t want a life with the person who did this to me.   I want a life with the person I thought he was.  That’s my dilemma.    That, and trying to figure out who just walks out and never looks back?

Peace Corps

Ever since my divorce, I have thought about living overseas after I retire from teaching. I will be 57 in May.  I am thinking of retiring when I turn 62, even though I will do so at a reduced monthly amount.  I feel there's no guarantee of how long I will live, and since I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in 2002, I don't want to die before I retire.

Anyway, I thought I could retire at 62, and then get a job, teaching math at an international school or with the Department of Defense.  But, after some research, I think I am going to be too old to get a job teaching at an international school.  It seems that most countries do not want anyone if they are past the age of 60.  I haven't looked at the DoD's age requirements.

I spoke to my 84 year old mother last week, and she suggested I check into the Peace Corps.  At one time (oh say, 42 years ago), I commented that I wanted to join the Peace Corps.  I checked, and the only age requirement they have is a minimum one.  Hmmmmm....maybe the Peace Corps will be the way I can live overseas after retirement.   I'll have to do some more research to see if I am Peace Corps material.

Back To Church

I'm a member of a United Methodist church in town.  I used to attend regularly, but when football season rolls around, it's hard to make it to church on the days the Jaguars are in town, since we usually leave the house no later than 9:30 am to tailgate before the game.  So, I got out of the habit of attending, and after football season, when I asked my (then) husband if he wanted to attend, he said no.  So,  I stayed home with him on Sunday mornings.

Then, in May 2009, when my (then) husband told me he wanted a divorce, I went to church the next morning, which was Mother's Day.  The service started off with men getting up, talking about their wives (mothers of their children).  I was in such a sad state of mind, I could not take hearing men talk lovingly about their wives, so within 10 minutes of the start of the service, I walked out and never looked back.
I went back on Christmas Eve 2009.  Christmas Eve was when we always spent the evening with his mother and sister, so I never got to go to the adult Christmas Eve service.  When the boys were young, we would attend the children's service, which usually started at 6:00 pm.  I always wanted to go to a later service but my former mother-in-law and sister-in-law liked to be back home by around 9:00 pm.  (After they left and the boys were in bed, we would spend the rest of the evening wrapping the boys' gifts.)

So, December 24, 2009, I got to finally go to the adult service, since the boys spent Christmas Eve with their dad and aunt.  But, I didn't go back after that Christmas Eve.  I spent Sundays just trying to catch up with the yard and housework and schoolwork, since it was all left to me to do now.  Also, it gave me a chance to catch up on some much needed sleep, since I haven't been sleeping much since May 2009.  I have to sleep when I can, since I usually woke up at 3:00 am and didn't go back to sleep.  On Saturdays and Sundays, I was able to doze back to sleep around 6:30 am and get another two or three hours of sleep.  So, I didn't go to church.

Football season for the Jaguars ended January 2, 2011.  Today is the first Sunday after the football season, and I went to church this morning.

I give some of the credit to a man (Rick) who has corresponded with me from the other side of the earth through the internet (and his blog).  He is the first person to give me the nudge to get back to my relationship with God.  I've been pondering it for the past few days (OK, it's been more than a week.)   Thank you, Rick.  I know there was Divine influence at work.
The other person is my Mary Kay consultant, D.

D is a lady I met when I first decided to join this particular church.  The church has a "new members class" that they hold over the course of 6 weeks or so before a person joins the church.  Since I was just transferring my membership from another UMC, I don't think I had to go to the class, but I went because I wanted to learn more about the UMC and, in particular, this church.  The class was taught by the senior pastor, so I definitely wanted to get to know him better.  D was in this class.  At the time, she was not my Mary Kay consultant (I didn't even use Mary Kay products), but this new members class was how I met D.

Last week, I emailed D about needing more Mary Kay products.  She emailed me back, inviting me to several activities she was attending...sort of acting like my social secretary (her words).  I had to decline all of them as right now, I am so busy, trying to wrap up the second grading period by grading tests, projects, and writing the semester exam.  But, one event I did not decline was the invitation to meet her at church.  Today the service was a concert by a group who was there last year.  They are a trio with harmonies that will bring you to tears.  Since I love music, I thought this would be the perfect time to get back to attending church regularly.

Here is the website of this group.  Mercy's Well    
You can decide for yourself if their harmonies are awesome or not.  Of course, after the service, they sold their products such as t-shirts, coffee mugs, and CDs.  I bought three of their CDs.  I wanted certain songs, so I needed to purchase two of them to get those songs.  Since they had an offer for purchasing three CDs, I went ahead and bought a Christmas CD.  I'm glad I did because I noticed another song that they sang today that I really liked:  "Who Is He In Yonder Stall?".  It tells the entire thirty-three years of Jesus' life just by asking the question "Who Is He?".

So, I have made a New Years Resolution today on January 9, 2011:  to get back to regular attendance at church on Sundays.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll even venture out and go to a Sunday School class after the service (since I attend the early service)!

Back to the Grind

Back to work today after two glorious weeks off.
Yes, I'm a teacher.  We look forward to our time off as much (if not more than) as our students.

Today was rough.  It started out great.  I got to school and was in such a good mood, but then once the students arrived, it seemed as if I never had a break.
I try my absolute best to try to explain the concepts in a way that the students will understand.  In fact, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out the best and easiest way to try to teach it to them.  Then, as I look out at my class, I see the same kids with their heads down or their eyes closed.  Is it any wonder that these are the students who are not passing my class?  I am constantly saying something to them, but this is their behavior every day, all period long (which is 90 minutes).  Today, one of these students blurted out, "No one understands what you're saying!"  Thank goodness, other students spoke up, one by one, saying "I do."
I told her that it was her responsibility to ask questions when she didn't understand something, as soon as she became confused.  If no one asked questions, then I was under the impression that everyone understood.
This was first period, so that pretty much set the tone of the day.   But, the other classes are a year older than first period, and they are not as rude.  So, they put me back into a better mood.

I taught all day long with just a 45 minute break for lunch (and bathroom use).  Then I came home and began my school work that I couldn't get done in during the day (since I was teaching all day long).

I let the dogs out to play, then went outside to take a plant inside since it was going to get cold tonight.  That was when I saw two of my dogs, running towards a little girl on a bicycle, barking, barking, barking.  Of course, she was terrified and dropped her bike, and ran back towards her house.  I ran to the dogs, but they took off.  I feel horrible that my dogs scared this little girl to tears.  I apologized to her dad, and he said it was OK, but I know it is not.  When I got back to the backyard, I saw a slat from my wood fence had fallen down, so the dogs got into my neighbors yard.  She has not kept up her fence, so they were able to leave her backyard and go free into the neighborhood.  I managed to nail the slat back onto the panel, but the entire panel is coming loose because of rot and termites.  I am going to have to ask friends to try to help me fix this part of my fence (since my neighbor will not fix it, and it really is her part of the fence).

I drove around the neighborhood, looking for the two dogs, but I did not see them at all.  One of them was the new dog, so I am not sure how much she will run.  I drove around the block twice, and when I got back, they were in the front yard.  Thankfully, they both came right up to the door.  But, I don't know what to do with the neighbor little girl.  Do I ask her to come down to meet the dogs?  Do I buy her something?  I just don't feel like I should leave it alone, but I don't know what to do.  Her parents do not speak English as their first language, so I'm not sure how much I can convey to them.

Tomorrow, I will teach the same lesson to three other classes, plus I actually have a period off in which to do my work.  Then, I'll come home, let the dogs out, feed them, and then I'm off to an Eagle Scout Court of Honor for a former student.  After that, I have to do my lesson plan for Wednesday/Thursday.

I am just trying to keep busy.  It has been suggested to me that I think of what I have, not what I don't have.  I wish I could.  I think of how another woman has the life I had (and wanted).  Spending the same vacation times together.  For most of our married life, I spent all of my vacation time by myself (or with my sons).  My former husband worked retail, so he had to work weekends and some nights.   I usually had to do things on the weekends by myself.  Now, that he's a teacher, I was looking forward to having weekends off and summers off.  I had that for one year, then he found someone else to do that with.
OK...I'll stop.  I have to focus on what I have.  I have two wonderful sons...one who lives with me (because he has an entry-level job and is trying to pay off his college loans).  I have three dogs who love me unconditionally, and whom I adore.  I have a house that will be paid off in 2013. The house is not huge, but it large enough for me.  We bought new furniture around 4-5 years ago, so I have furniture that is paid for and is not run down.   I have a job that I usually enjoy, teaching a subject that challenges me, with students who are intelligent.  I have a job that pays me enough to pay my bills and enjoy other things such as season tickets for myself and my younger son (oldest son buys his own season ticket next to us) to the Jacksonville Jaguars, I have a few close friends who support me and a family who supports me, even though my family is 1000 miles from me.
I have a car that is paid for and neighbors who are good.  I have a new heat pump (that I was able to pay for it myself) so that when the temperatures become 100+ degrees this summer, I will stay cool.  I am able to go out to eat with my friends and not worry about whether I can afford it.  AND, I have my health.  I am 8+ years after my breast cancer diagnosis.
I guess I need to focus on these things.  But, sometimes, I am lonely.  I just cannot forget that part.

An Introduction

Let me introduce myself.  (I'm pretending that there are actually people reading my blog).  I'm a 50+ female who married her high school sweetheart at the age of 30 after going our separate ways after college (but still keeping in touch by a quick phone call every 6 months).  I recently found the card he bought me for our first anniversary.  He wrote in it "We were meant to be together.  Forever."
Apparently, I was the only one who meant the marriage vows.

To say that I had my wind knocked out of me when he said he didn't love me anymore is an under-statement.  We had booked a cruise to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on March 30, and he told me this May 7.  He moved out May 23.  In June, I looked at the cell phone records and found texts and phone calls to the same phone number from 6:00AM - 10:30PM, beginning April 8.  The number belonged to a married woman he worked with.  My belief is that when her son graduates from high school in June, she will file for divorce.  I have since talked to co-workers of hers, and she talked about how she hates her husband, but felt trapped in the marriage since she couldn't afford to live on her salary.  Both my former husband and this woman are third year teachers (after having other careers), beginning their teaching careers at the same school during the same year.
Time will tell about what I think they have planned.
This is not the life I had planned for myself, but it is the life that God has planned for me, so I am putting my trust in Him, or rather I am trying to put my trust in Him.  It's still hard, coming home to a quiet house and not being able to share my day with the person I thought would always be there.   The person I thought was my absolute best friend.  The person with whom I shared every secret of my life.   It has been a difficult 18 months, trying to adjust to this life.  Also, my self-esteem has taken a blow.  There are good days, but there are also a few bad days.
I don't come home to an empty house, though.  Just to one where the only response I get to my comments is barking.

This is my old girl, the alpha, who lets all others know that they are not to mess with her.  And, they give her a wide berth.  She is around 11 years old and was adopted from the local dog pound when she was a scared little puppy.

Here is the second dog I added to the mix.  She would make a pretty good frisbee dog as she runs and jumps all over the yard.  She is around 6 years old and was given to me by people who found her wandering the streets when she was around 8 weeks old.  No one responded to the flyers they put up in the neighborhood, and since the people already had two dogs, they did not want a third one.  So, I rescued her.

The last dog was added on Christmas, 2010.  She lived with my youngest son in an efficiency apartment at his university.  She had been abused at one point in her life and didn't warm up to new people easily.  She was actually the dog of a former roommate of my son's, and when he moved into her house, he had to stay on his side of the house for days and days before this dog would accept him.  All she did was bark and growl at him.  When his roommate graduated and left for California in April 2010, she left the dog, too.  So, being the animal lover that my son is, he kept her.  But he knew it was unfair to this dog, as she stayed inside his apartment all of the time.  He was able to take her outside on a leash to do her business, but that's all she saw of the outside.  I didn't even know he had this dog until November, when I went to visit him.  She barked and growled at me for hours before she warmed up to me.  My son brought her home for Thanksgiving to see how she would react to our other dogs, and she did fine after a brief introduction.  We had lots of people over the Wednesday before Thanksgiving (we do a bonfire that night), and she didn't growl at anyone.

So, at Christmas, my son asked if she could stay here, since she loved running around the backyard so much with the younger dog.  Now, I have three dogs, and my yard, which was a mess before, is now a disaster area as she digs.

She's a funny looking dog.  She has a golden retriever's head, but the body of a basset hound (or corgi).

So, that's who gets to listen to my day when I come home.  They are terrific listeners, but they can't add to the conversation much.

Happy New Year!

It's a new year...I've officially been divorced for one entire year (2010) and then part of 2009.  It's been a long haul, but I finally feel like I am coming to the surface for a breath of air.
I plan on making this a productive and better year as a single woman.  I can't say I'm healed 100%,  but I plan on trying to heal moreso this year.  In my DivorceCare group I participated in a month after my husband walked out, I was informed that it would take a year for every 5 years I was married.  Since I was married 25 years, I have 3.5 more years of healing to take place.